africa time

Africa. Ethiopia.

A whole different world.

Mountains.

Lush land.

Mud huts.

Bugs.

Beggars.

Dirt.

Poverty.

I have so much to say, but to list every event and emotion would take ages.

Being on the other side of the world has caused my insides to be shaken up.
I hope this blog doesn’t sound too negative, but will just show the wrestle with my own flesh of how I have had quite the culture shock being here..

I apologize in advance for the structure of this blog, it probably won’t be the easiest flowing entry…   but you’ll get an idea of what my time has been like. 

ETHIOPIA

Going into mud huts smaller than a single car garage, containing three rooms, one being the living room, another being the kitchen that happens to be a home for the cattle, and the third room being the bedroom, where raw meat hangs from the walls..  dirt floors, sweet tea, and lots of bread.

Buna (coffee) – is so good here.. the home of jo, makes it pleasant to drink.

The smell of rotten butter in the hair of everyone who hugs you.  And yes, everyone who sees you on the street desires to shake your hand and knock right shoulders with you.

red dirt stained hands, flies resting on the finger nails of these dirty happy kids as they take turns to hold and be mesmerized by your porcelain skin..  after holding you for a while, after you walk away you see your skin is now just as red as theirs due to the dirty clay…

You travel the streets, many people walking, some with huge banana leaf backpacks containing heaping loads of produce, others carrying baskets of potatoes on their heads…  donkeys going this way and that, bearing the burden of the day’s goods, and if you don’t watch out they will run into you… yes I have almost been head butted a few times, my friend Sidney actually did just this past week and almost got knocked to the ground.

People are so friendly to each other here – our driver will just yell to another driver, smiling talking back and forth and laughing…  we will then drive off and ask “do you know that guy, is he your friend?”  and they are say “no, I do not know him” … hahah..  so cool how they just treat each other like good’ol friends..   every one is hugging on each other, guys holding hands with guys, girls with girls, and it’s totally normal not sexual, just friendly…  it’s cool to see.

MARKETS.

you look at the market, and there is no sort of structure… just run down stick tents and hills, people on blankets, piling up their produce in little triangle heaps.. the people in the wood tents have no sort of order in presenting their product, just dog piling it all on top of each other..  you walk through broad paths, and skinny paths at this market..  you stagger through the dirt roads dodging the pot holes and dips, some full of extremely smelly garbage, and others full of mud..  if you’re not careful, you’ll slip – believe me, I was one who took the plunge, but thankfully I had wipes in my pocket to quickly wash my hands.. 

all the while you hear people yelling at you - “frindgee frindgee” almost every 30 seconds.. (not sure how you really spell it, but it means “white foreigner”)…  they either just want you to look at them, because they love being acknowledged by you, or because they want your money…  everyone thinks american’s are wealthy here, so they quadruple their prices in hopes to get a good deal..   it’s a norm to have 5-30 people following you, waiting for the opportune moment to pickpocket you and or beg you for 2 birr (which is probably less than 10 cents)…   

it’s interesting, because even some who are well dressed, and put together, when they see you, they instantly put out their hand and say “birr…”  it’s slightly perplexing…  at first you feel bad for the people, but as some are unrelenting, it begins to become easy to cause you to feel a bit annoyed and offended by it…  as they yell “white foreigner, white foreigner” once they see you, you begin to think “wow that seems a bit taboo”…   I’ve thought to myself how in America that would be so socially unacceptable to yell “jap, jap” or “indian indian” – when I saw someone of a different ethnicity walking down the road…   but what do they know?  Know one has probably taught them such things..

CULTURER CONTRAST.

the culture here is so different.. 
an American and an Ethiopian are like oil and vinager…
as that could be the case for many countries in comparison to america.
there is no grid for each other’s way of thinking…
you must know that they are coming from a whole different playing field, because if you don’t have this as a filter, it’s so easy to be baffled and offended by how things work here. I could state examples but I don’t want to make this thing longer than a novel. 

THE BIRR VS. THE BUCK.

Everyone is poor here…  a Ethiopian man makes about 40 birr for a normal work day, which is about $2 for us…  the crazy thing is that their food here is about triple the price of America…  they don’t have money for anything extra around here…  the people wear the same clothes everyday…  the guards I see on the compound wear the same shirts for three weeks straight, and here I am as I am hanging up my laundry on the clothes line, I notice how much I live like royalty compared to these guys…  they don’t have options here…  and almost have too many options to choose from…  it’s a weird reality when you’re faced with it…  

SMALL PRICE, BIG BLESSING.

I bought a bag of kids clothes for $7 before I left the states, thinking I could give them to the poor kids around the compound…  it was crazy to see some of these kids in raggedy clothes, stripping their clothes off  as they were so excited to get some thrift store clothes…  one kid, who is the poorest in the whole village with a mother who has HIV… came in, and he was grinning ear to ear as he was now in his fresh new outfit…  we gave him a few more pieces of clothing, knowing he was the poorest of them all…  it was interesting to pull back and think that 3 nice button up shirts, a sweatshirt, a pair of pants, a pair of shorts and socks is probably the most this kid will ever own at one time in his whole life…   and it only cost me about 50 cents… 

NO ABUNDANCE.

It cost only $86 a month to send a person to college here…   but for a person to get that much money would take them ages…    it’s just baffling to be in a nation where you hear these guys talking, and it seems like there is no way for them to live in a place of abundance or options…    not that they necessarily need abundance…  but it’s just an interesting thing to consider, as I have a newer iPhone, and it would cost almost 6000 birrr – about 7 months pay for them.   But it’s a norm for us to have an iPhone..

just makes me wonder that even with the little I have in America, where I am putting my money?…   bread isn’t too expensive here – so to even give a family 10 loaves of bread here, it would cost me less than 2 dollars…   anyway – I don’t know what to do with all this reality just yet – I know many who go overseas experience this ordeal and it’s perplexing…   I’m just stating some thoughts right now, and it makes me realize how much I have in comparison to them… 

WHERE I AM STAYING

all the while I am staying on a hill that overlooks the town…  

as you drive down a long bumpy driveway you come to the gate…

inside these gates is a whole different world than soddo… 

it’s like a paradise right in the middle of this poverty stricken city…  

the huge garden - lush, bright and perfect.. colorful birds, big and small hovering around the trees…  rather than dogs, they have little deer walking around that they pet and feed cookies, and they have chickens who strut around like the queens of the property… the home beautiful inside and out, one that could easily make it’s appearance in a magazine…

We have workers on the compound, and it’s so funny because I am teaching them Spanish… they think I am such a hoot…  when they see me they will say “hola hola senorita” – hahah… that’s been fun!...

It’s been fun with mark and Sidney – we drink tea every night…  there’s been much conversations filled with tears with Sidney, as I have been stretched tremendously as I have been here…  it’s been cool to watch how Sidney keeps a home, and how she hosts people..  I’m learning a lot from her.  We’ve had fun, reading bed time stories, joking around, painting and singing..   

So anyway…

here I am… in Africa.  Swirl swirl…

WHERE’S THE COMFORT?!

though inside the gates of this property it was like night and day compared to the village…   I realized that I was still starved for comfort..

In the beginning of my time here, I realized how I desperately searched for something external to bring me internal comfort…  it felt as if there was nothing in reach around me that could cause rest on the inside… carpet and a nice bathtub/showerhead were things that I instantly began to miss…   the only place of comfort I could find was in my bed…  nice linens, and a fluffy elegant duvet…   the first night I was here, I cried as I realized I had been stripped of everything that could externally make me feel rest internally..     the next morning I just wrapped myself up in my duvet, vainly attempting to feel any sort of comfort.

I wasn’t necessarily ready for a season of trial and stripping..

I just came from a season of richness, resting and peace… 

You would think that if I was going to “Africa” – I would have prepped myself for hardship…. call me naïve, but I imagined that it was going to be quite blissful..

However as I felt this season beginning, I have been around the block enough to recognize God inviting me to a place of dependence on Him, and this hardship/discomfort was the kindness of His hand, molding me into what He knew was best…   so i began to brace myself for a season of north winds and stretching…

The days went on – I would drink my buna – and spend time with Jesus..  I was feeling such a nearness of the Lord, and I still do feel it, as it has felt like a fast since I have been here…  not having a cell phone, tv or constant internet has causes for less traffic in my heart, and more room for God…  

OLDEN DAY LIVIN.

I am the main cook here, and our supplies are a bit slim (not as slim as the natives, but slim in the sense that we have a few concrete ingredients, and things have to be mixed and made from these ingredients)… so I have to be pretty creative every day to figure what gourmet dish to cook next..  it’s been a good experience to learn what flavors match each other, and the tricks to make things tasty..  every thing takes about twice as long here, driving down roads, making meals, doing laundry..  I have to hang my laundry on a clothesline outside, all the white the huge bumble bees (as big as quarters) swirl all around my head…  I scream and run around as I try to hang my clothes – it’s quite humorous. 

OUTSIDE THE GATES

All the while once we would leave the gates, I would get so stretched…
as these people are so dirty, knowing they would go to the bathroom, and their hands were their toilet paper – and all of them want to hold your hand, hug you, and have you near them…  I know that I was a germaphobe, but this environment has highlighted it so intensely.. 

I would find myself interacting with the people, but anytime I would touch them, once I got into the house I would instantly wash ever inch of my skin that made contact with them..   to add to it, I would change my clothes and throw the ones that were touched, to the side and view them as contaminated…

The more the weeks went on – I knew that this was an issue for me…

One night we were showing the Jesus film, and I had two girls cuddling up by me as I sat in a nice chair I took from the house…  one was at my feet another to my side…  as I watched Jesus who left perfection and glory to walk among dirty uncivilized men, I was like “what the heck am I doing??  Here I am with this girl sitting at my feet, because I don’t want her to give me fleas and contaminate my clothes and skin…. And here is Jesus willing to leave everything to be with us…”  so I then picked the girl up and put her on my lap…  she was surprised I did it…  come to find out this girl is actually very abused by her father, and she seems quite malnourished…   she would look up at me and I would just smile at her…

As I contemplated this – I still had the struggle of being so dirty..

I didn’t want to be like this because I knew Jesus doesn’t think like this…

I could see that I would embrace these people with my arms, but I wanted to get to the point where I was embracing them with my heart…  I felt FAR from this…

As time went on, I began to see my heart becoming a little more willing… 
more willing to hug people and love them…. Especially the workers on the compound because I see them day in and day out…  (I still wash my hands constantly…  I hate being dirty…  this is such a whole ordeal God is trying to work on in me).

HOW SHOULD I LIVE?

I have asked Him many questions since I have been here…
too many to list…  but just really wondering what God wants my life to look like practically…   when I read my bible and can’t help but think about the workers on this compound…   do they know how to read the bible?  do they know Jesus wants to spend time with them?  Do they even have a bible?  I am one who thinks on a corporate level, and when I begin to think things like this, I then begin to try to formulate some strategy to reach these people… (which isn’t always a bad thing… but sometimes it can be tempting to get ahead of what God is even trying to tell me)..   often times I have had to slow down and just wait on the Lord to show me what I was to do….  There is so much need in the world, and “need” can’t be what I base my life on, because if I did go that route, I would run myself into the ground trying to disciple every nation on the planet…   I just need to listen to Him, and do what He is saying..

UPS AND DOWNS

Things shift drastically… when I felt progress was going on in my heart… I then had a crazy weekend the other week…  so much disorder, nothing happening as planned, and it was said to me that this is how evenings in Ethiopia go, they never go as planned…  you gotta ride it like a wave…  also after this crazy evening,..

I then went to Ethiopian church.. after a long service of preaching in another language, songs being sung every five minutes and many “amens” – we walked out of service and were invited to a meal after, then to a coffee ceremony, all the while I needed to really go to the restroom but would die if I had to use a squatty potty…  -- then later on we had to show the Jesus film…   I felt like doing one event per day seemed quite stimulating, but three in day seemed over the top…   so after church and the coffee ceremony I showered and just laid in my cozy bed…   just wanting to feel rest…

After two weeks, and feeling like I was getting use to it…  this particular weekend – threw me over the edge…  I all of a sudden got really mad…  I instantly felt fed up with this place…  I hated being dirty, I hated that this country was so poor, and I hated that it was so disorganized.. I hated that the people constantly begged me for birr every time I left the gates…  there was no comfort anywhere, and I was missing America desperately; feeling like it was so much easier there… I just cried, because I was so frustrated with everything..    I went to spend time with Jesus, knowing my attitude was poor…  I just asked the Lord to help me, because I could see that He was so willing, but here I was, feeling way too posh and high maintenance for my own good…  I didn’t know what to do with myself…  I needed God to help me… I so desire to be clean, and not dirty..  I felt so controlled by it…   the next day I just spent more time with Him and He really exposed a spirit of control…  and I know I dealt with this, but man oh man, it went far deeper than I realized…   I know it sounds pretty ridiculous that wanting to be clean would be such an ordeal…  but for some reason it really was and still so stretching for me… 

I cried pretty hard that day, because I felt so overcome by this… and discouraged…  how could I be a Christian and say I love God but be so unwilling to get down and dirty and love people where there at?   That seems so accusing, and I know God is patient with me, but it troubled me deeply that I felt so controlled by it…  I felt like I only had two weeks left in Africa, and if I don’t get over this, then I failed..   which honestly is not a thought God was putting in my head…   I just get pretty impatient with myself and want to be perfect right away…

PROGRESS.

As time has gone on though, I have continued to hold the hands of these little kids, and as I have, I’ve began to feel my heart change slightly…   it’s not completely, but I see God beginning to do it…   and my big sister mary encouraged me over skype the other day and said “Courtney, you would have never realized you dealt with this unless you went there, and that little bit that you are feeling towards those people… that little bit wouldn’t be there, unless you would have went…  that little bit is a lot more than what you had…”  this was helpful to me as I tend to prefer the finished product more than the process.  God is in the process of molding my heart to truly love. 

AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, I SEND YOU

To continue with this topic – I had a moment where I felt like things clicked even more…  just this past Friday we traveled out to a rural area, I was at a mossy foot clinic, where many people come to recover from this infection called mossy foot – it’s an intense infection that causes your feet to become very huge…   and anytime someone gets it – they are then seen as outcasts in their society (like leprosy)…   as we were at the clinic, I got to share a word with about 60 of them saying how they were a treasure to Jesus, they were His gift, and His inheritance…   as I shook each one of their hands, we stopped and prayed for one of them…  Sidney prayed “God let them know how much You love them… let them know how You accept them” – it was right then, it hit me…  when she prayed that I saw myself in my mind throwing my arms around the person and just embracing them…  and  it was so clear to me -- “I am suppose to be the one showing them how much He loves them….”   Just as Jesus came to show us the Father, He has sent us to show the people who He is…   I know this is VERY basic and most of you probably have gotten this concept…   but wow, it hit me like a ton of bricks…   so then I was like “okay, here goes”!  So then the rest of the people, rather than shaking their hands, I just embraced each one of them, and held them for a while – they just cried…  It was like God hugging them through me..  they were the outcasts of their society, and to have a white person come show them attention, and then actually hold them, was completely unheard of…    I felt like that was a mile stone in my trip, and I felt like I had more vision on the purpose of loving people with my actions and not just through prayer… we are the fragrance of Christ to the SAVED and the PERISHING.   I am not one who runs to people and want to touch their open wounds, and kiss their dirty faces…   but God is like that – so my prayer is for Him to help me to love…

5 DAYS LEFT

As I have entered into my last five days here…  I feel like I have come to  have such a love for the guards/workers on the compound – I love seeing them and just being fun..  I feel like things have become a bit normal for me here now…  we just got back from addis, and that was a different experience than when I went there at the beginning of my trip… seeing all the people in business attire, on a mission, buildings, cars and restaurants – it made me feel comfort, almost like we were a little closer to America and what I was used to.   We are now back south down in the village…  and I want to finish my last week here well..  whatever that is to look like.. we will be doing some outdoors things the next few days --  tomorrow we are going to go on a little trip – to go on some waters to see huge African crocodiles…  then possible go adventure in some waterfalls on Saturday…   in a matter of moments I will be back in the US…   as time goes by, I think I will then begin to realize all that God was doing in my heart during my trip here..

CONCLUSION – FOR NOW.

It’s been an interesting thing to see the price it takes to truly love.

it seems so honorable to go love the poor and the widow, and I can talk about it and say that loving God and loving people is necessary, but if I really look at it – I honestly I never do it…  it’s far more easier to pray for the nations, than go serve the nations with my physical strength and emotional energy (not that praying is bad, it’s very good…  but I can see that the measure of dying to self seems quite taxing in comparison to pacing in a room all day)…. being here is showing me that a life spent on truly loving people is actually quite the cross to die on…  I see how I usually do things that go right to my line of comfort and then I stop there…    I do things at my pace, and at my leisure…  at times I do things that stretch me, like give away my last scoop of coffee beans, or take someone somewhere when I have no gas in my car…   but I feel like this place is kinda upping the ante for me, and it’s having me ask myself hard questions…   this isn’t meant to be condemning towards anyone… and it’s not that we all need to go live in the nations among the poor and needy…I’m just sharing my own heart, and I know that it will probably identify with some of you..   God is patient, and He is so kind to bring me here… I am not thriving on any conclusions right now, I mainly have just questions and a heart that needs to be molded by God…   but I’m trusting that every season is necessary, and as I place my heart before Him, He will teach me and guide me….  Amen.

-court