boundarylines are pleasant.
lately tiff and i have been in the house all day.
amos is really sick...
and their other car is broke..

we go on walks occasionally.
today is a rainy day so we have been inside all day..

i think not doing anything is forcing me to rest...
not having a car and being far from the beach..   it's all God's strategy to make me okay with just sitting...   no agenda, no schedule...

it's uncomfortable but good...

even the smallest things I am realizing God is stretching me... as random as it sounds... this morning I noticed how it's quite uncomfortable for me to not be able to wash my clothes any time i want...  ask anyone who knows me well, i love to be clean (maybe too clean)..   and the fact that i can't just throw my clothes in the wash at any moment, is actually very uncomfortable for me..  (so weird i know) -- however if I am going to spend time in another nation someday and if I am going to be hunted by those who hate Him in the end of the age, I need to learn to not have everything at my finger tips...

anyway...   i hope all of this is productive in the Lord's eyes...

jason upton.
today we were listening to some old jason upton (he was my inspiration of prophetic worship)..
i remember when i was 21-22 listening to Jacob's Dream CD all the time (takes me back to when I was a Core Advisor for the second year at teen mania, upstairs carrie hall..  laying on the futon)... i have to say that was my favorite year at teen mania (the 3rd of the 6).  that year i realized I could KNOW Jesus, and put my heart to searching out the gospels over and over to experience Him. 

Today: we played it for pleasure's sake...  and i was baffled by the lyrics of two of his songs (many of them are good, but two struck me as the song of the season).

these two songs i have memorized, and have soaked in for hours in the past...   however they made more sense to me now more than ever..   they are below...   read them as if I typed them to express...  rather than just song lyrics...

song1.
Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I really won't
Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way

In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

song2.
Jacob really longed to be a hero
All I really wanted was a friend
I'm the way, the life, the truth
So tell Me Jacob when will the lying end?
And does the striving make you strong?
Because when I came to love on you
You fought me till the dawn

Finally Jacob's lying down
And while he sleeps I will dream
Of a generation not known for their crowns,
Or success, but a King...
Who was not so much as interested in crowds, or
Pleasing men, but knowing Me

I have given Jacob's generation the key of David, intimacy
To open up the doorway to the nations, and release
Revelation, of intimacy, with me

Jacob had a dream for all the ages
Jacob had a drive to build a nation
But the fighting is in vain
If your only aim is to build your own great name

Because My dream's not what you do
Jacob will you dream for me
The way that I have dreamed for you
I have given Jacob's generation the key of David, intimacy
To open up the doorway to the nations, and release
Revelation, of intimacy, with me


theKEY
I had many people give me words of prophecy before I launched into this place of being a "nomad"
one said "God is going to give you a key to a key hole that you do not have yet" -- another said "the secret place in the Lord will give you the keys to your unique call" --  so that second song was interesting to me...  the first song -- i almost felt that the other day when i was on the porch with Jesus...   silent...  but crying out "Lord teach me Your ways....  what Your kingdom is really all about"...

I trust You Jesus...   do what You need to have your full reward in me.