Singles // A forgotten People Group?

So this is about singleness.

Don't worry,  i'm not writing some sappy letter for singles to identify with. AND, I'm not going to be speaking in context of being older, single and wanting to be married to an amazing man some day.

This entry is actually written to the families in the body of Christ.

Whether young or old, children or no children, this note is to help bring perspective of the reality of single people, whether man or woman, and the true state they are in every day.

Most people haven't really thought about what i'm about to explain, and know that it's not pointing a finger at the lack, but actually bringing light to the possibilities of impact - so please take a moment to entertain this idea for just a second.

I feel like single people are an easily overlooked people group in the church. This may come as an intense statement, but I feel it’s something that can be illuminated upon. where do singles fit in community? i think of the history of mankind. people wouldn't leave their homes until they were married. It seems God always had this plan to have people in families. He commissions believers to take care of the orphans and the widows, for one main reason – they didn’t have families.

The reality in our day is that we move out when we are 18. we visit home every now and then. but everyone has their own, individual life. you may see your real family once a year, if you live far away, or maybe every couple weeks if you live in the same town. but the day to day. what does it look like for a single person? well, most of the time, it looks like being alone.

Some don't even realize they are unhappy with that aloneness until they taste true hospitality and see they have been missing something. others do realize they are missing something and sometimes out of pure vulnerability share their feelings of loneliness, and what is the common response?

"Maybe God is trying to teach you something. You just need to learn to be content in Him, and not need people so much.."

This is the last thing a single person wants to hear from people who can't truly identify with what they're going through. yes, be content in God, we get it. believe us, we get it.  some have had years - decades, to understand this.

I have to say, that though I would consider myself strong in the Lord, and have a wonderful community. it's still a hard and awkward place to be when you're single. Honestly, it can get extremely lonely.

And what do you do with that feeling?  as a believer, you embrace the seasons of God and trust Him - turning to Him and asking that He fill you up. there are times, however, where it just feels like something has to be missing.

This isn't just feeling lonely and wanting a spouse. it's feeling lonely and wanting a tribe to run with. 

Who are the forgotten ones? who are the ones that face life by themselves?

We can think of the widows, and the orphans. but i don't think it's typical to think about the few singles within the church.

I am confident God thinks of those single people. He has a plan for them. A great plan to meet them in their aloneness... and He does it primarily through families. 

Psalm 68:8 says "The Lord sets the lonely in families.."

i have seen this with my own eyes. it's such a divine way He works in the hearts of people. i have known a good amount of single people in my life. Guess what the most influential thing has been in their life?

when families bring them in to be a part of their routine.

Yes, when families consider them as their own and include them in their story. the deep impact that this can make on a single person can never be underestimated. I personally can think of many families who opened up their doors and it played such a huge part in my life.

The priors // the valdez's // the lujans // the peakes // the kreibhels //the keoughs // the laundérs // the canales

All of these families invited me in to be a part of their life, and it richly blessed me beyond words. they could have easily chosen their own life and comfort. They could have excused away feeding another mouth, or giving me a space in their home to live. Instead, they opened their door to me and said, "eat with us, drink with us, play board games with us, take a stroll down the street with us, be a part of our family."

It's these families who open up their homes whom really make an impact on the random single people floating around..

Often, while you are sitting at your table with your children and husband - it's quite likely the singles you know are chopping up their vegetables in an empty house,

about to eat dinner by themselves. For some this is a choice, but for most it is a reality that can't be avoided.

Are times like this okay? Of course. It is not inherently bad to be alone. It can be refreshing after a long day. It can provide seasons of growth and insight. however, if it's constant, it can wear on one’s soul. The soul that God said in the beginning was not made to be alone.

In the midst of a group of believers, there should never be chronic lonely people in a community. solitude is for a season, not for a lifetime... 

and so…

Don't forget about the single people in your community.

Whether you're an old couple with no kids or a young couple with a million. the impact you can play on the lives of singles is substantial. all it takes is you inviting them along. rather than saying, "just embrace your aloneness and turn to God,"  the reaction can be transformed into personal action that says, "come over for dinner, you're always welcome in our home. we just really love having you around"

Now that sounds like the gospel.

I know God wants to use families to show the love of Christ.

It's as practical as inviting that person at church, before they walk out the door to eat Sunday lunch by themselves, to an invitation into your family afternoon.  (note: sometimes they may be shy and insecure about coming along, but your consistency WILL win them over).

It’s as easy as praying and seeing what God says about the singles in your community.

ask Him if there is one or two people you could invite to run alongside you and your family.

As we seek to place the widows and orphans into a family, remember the singles as well, they need it too.