a vision being stretched.

a trip.

got to spend time with Liz Delgadillo this past week (she was in my RD group at Teen Mania yrs ago)

such a beloved friend, and lover of Jesus.

we went to hollywood/LA, Santa Barbara, Santa Monica, and also relaxed in Ventura where she is lives...

it was so much fun chatting with her, and relaxing :)

prophetic singing.

while i was there i got to lead worship at her youth group.

her youth group was all Hispanic, and majority of them under the age of 16.

God really moved at the altar call..  the kids were weeping, and many of them were encouraged

it was so much fun to listen to the Lord, and sing His heart over them.

haven't gotten to do that in a while.

when I left Colorado it was the plan to take a one month sabbatical.

after the time at the youth group.. we were about to leave -- I asked Liz "what's the date?"

she said "May 4th."  I was like... "oh wow.. I left Colorado April 4th... it's been exactly a month."  it was awesome the the day it ended, I got to do one of the things I love most.

realizing.

i think being away is helping me sift through what I truly love, and what I have just done because I know how to do it... I remember going to an evening meeting at All People's Church here in SD.

the worship leader was just lingering in a corporate setting, and began to sing songs over us about the love of God.  it was in that moment that i was like "oh yeah... that's what I love to do." in the house of prayer they call prophetic songs "oracles" -- usually there is a format to them where you sing them for about 2-5 minutes, and then end with a chorus...   but to have a corporate worship setting where it's very open ended, and there is time to linger and minister to the people.. is kinda rare and is honesty a passion of mine.

  

love the 1 not just the 99.
while being in ventura one of my financial partners called me and asked me how things were going.

i was telling him that I have been challenged with the idea that God may be asking me to just be faithful to something simple and small, and loving a few people rather than being so focused on wanting to run a corporate ministry.  he replied by saying "courtney it sounds like the Lord is broadening your vision, and your love."  it was interesting to hear him say that,  because I honestly feel like the vision is getting small, resulting in less impact...    but me learning to love in the small,  is actually Him expanding my vision and digging deep my capacity for love..

a whole new avenue of discipleship.

i have  a lot to say about this, but i could possibly write it in a whole different entry.   to keep it short, I feel God is challenging me in an avenue that seems quite foreign to me. I will have to explain this in another note, because I have typed it up and erased is a couple times, and it's just too much for me to explain right now...  I could honestly say that I thought I was nearly a pro at discipleship until 4 days ago....   i see a very clear invitation from the Lord to step into a foreign arena...  and it only makes me feel completely at a loss and desperate for the Lord, because I am pretty sure my skilllzzzzz or experience are like a penny in the ocean for what's needed..  

it leaves me needy for Him, which makes me know that it's a good lesson He is about to teach me...

 

vain attempts.

he also prayed for me and said "Lord keep her from the temptation of making her life secure."  this was very challenging.  i am so desperately wanting to get a grip on things, so that I can conclude in my own heart what I am doing and what He is doing, but also conclude to others what I am doing.

from that convo it made sense to me that as I measure God's work in me in this season (i tend to want to hurry up the season and learn things quick)...  He will probably always be causing me to feel desperate and in need.  if I find a process that works, it would be easy for me to cling to that process and feel comfort from the control I am in, rather than leaning into Him.  it will probably end up being where I look back and see how far God has taken me through the journey of clinging to Him..  rather than measuring it step by step by my own successful maneuvering. 

the Lord is still bringing me through the process of learning not to "do"...  i can say so much about this right now..   it's not that I am not "doing" anything -- but it's learning to surrender my idea of what I think is worth doing...  and as I have been journeying forward in living a "simple" life of just loving Him, and those in front of me..  i have had moments of dreaming forward to see what God would have for me in the future...    i ask Him, then what i hear is -- SILENCE..   He doesn't tell me anything.  in those moments, the way my heart responds is troubling.  lets just say my identity is being put on trial and there is much evidence that it's buckled to another system other than God's.  so He is patiently leading me through this process of understanding what Christianity is.  Thank You Jesus.

gazing on Jesus.

today i was listening to an ihop spontaneous song on tiff's iTunes...  and there was this bridge in the song that said "i have never seen another more beautiful, i have never seen another more lovely, i have never seen another more righteous, i have never seen another more holy holy"..    there is a place of encounter with Jesus, that can happen so easily as we choose to slow down in a life, and even if life may not seem busy right now, our minds can tend to be like a nascar track.. but to take the moment to dial down, and lift up the eyes of our heart and gaze on the beauty of Jesus...   this is the best place to be...    i love Him and I love to behold Him.   i would encourage you to do the same - "at His right hand are pleasures forever more..."  - Jesus is at His right hand.

until next time.

-court